Home » Uncategorized » What doesn’t kill us…

What doesn’t kill us…

Almost kills us.

Tonight, like most nights, I’m tired. But I realized that instead of a forty-hour-work-week-little-kid-errands-to-run-messy-house tired, it’s more of an holy-crap-my-soul-aches tired. They say Eskimos have 50 words for snow (mini research, is that true? Yes there are 53 distinct Inuit words meaning snow according to this article, phew ), I think I should have 50 words for tired.

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Let me describe achy-soul tired: It’s when everything I do is tinged slightly with sadness. It’s being sure I’m going to screw up my kid or get fired from my job or alienate my friends. I’m not sure what sets it off. Today, it might have been a little bit of conflict, a lot of worry about family and storms, some overwhelm from my current projects, and realizing tomorrow’s an early morning and only Wednesday.

The result of achy-soul tired is…not so bad. It’s human and feels human. It feels raw and sensitive and leaves me off kilter. Today it made me nostalgic (weeping, sobbing nostalgic) for the toddler I had just last year, while being completely  enamored with the boy I have now. Thanks for that confusing case of feels.

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It made me hug my husband longer before I grocery shopped, and run back before I left for one last kiss on my kiddo’s chubby cheek because the last thing I did was yell at him, and what if…

My first instinct is to try to numb achey-soul tired or just sleep through it, but I didn’t tonight, and I’m glad. I think sometimes I just have to feel a little shitty to realize that feeling shitty isn’t going to kill me.

If this is you tonight, lean into it, and maybe you’ll be surprised how strong you are. I’m not trying to push my achy-soul tired treatments on you, though. I think there are many alternate antidotes for it — bubble baths, cuddles, Mystery Science Theater 3000, rocking in the dark sobbing, and so on.

Also, here are five things that make me smile-cry and that are sure to help achy-soul tired. I hope you enjoy them.

1) Jim Henson with Kermit, by James Hance. Don’t know James Hance? Know him and love him! His very existence cures an achy soul.

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2) Mrs. Flexer retired after 41 years of teaching.

Current and WAY former students surprised her at her retirement party.

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3) Shirley and Jenny: Two Elephants Reunited after More Than 20 Years

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4) Father and Son Recreate a Picture at their Home … that last one though. Damn.

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5) Strangers Sharing A Moment of Warmth

(this one was shared with me by my best friend John, whose treasured existence in my life makes me smile-cry with gratitude all the time.)

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