This is me, constantly these days.
I don’t know why I’ve gotten worse. Or obsessed. I don’t know why I’m clicking more, and clicking right where I know it will upset me most. I don’t know why I read and respond to shitty comments from shitty people. Even reading their words gives them more power than they deserve. There is no winning an argument with someone whose only purpose is to be nasty. There’s no convincing them to be nice. Being nasty makes them feel good. There’s no compelling reason for them to stop.
I don’t know how to tell the difference between news I need to know and news that is just shredding my spirit.
I care. I want to know. Knowing has helped before. Hasn’t it?
Maybe. Probably not.
My husband asks me, “Did you hear about ___?” “Did you know ____?”
Yes. Yep. Yeah. I did. I hear about everything the minute it happens, whether I need to or not, whether it makes a difference or not. Thing is, it does make a difference. It upsets me, and keeps me from delighting in life.
I used to click to connect and be entertained and to know what was going on with my loved ones, and to see pictures/videos of cats. That is so little of what I read now. Even the cats are down 90%. Now if I see animals, they are homeless or abused. More outrage. It helps, right?
I don’t know how to be objective about this anymore. I am not cherishing life. I’m cherishing outrage, and there is so much of it to be had. I’m getting sick and fat on it.
So, I’m putting myself on an outrage diet. I know from previous attempts at this, it won’t be easy to quit cold turkey. There will be starts and stops, but I have to take the first step, and be firm with myself when I stall.
The news I need to know is: 1) Is there real danger in my area? 2) When is Frank Turner coming to town?
I can count on my beloved friends to tell me either of those things.
Now, I need a little outrage antidote. Maybe you do, too.
If so, please enjoy:
Patrick Stewart dressed as a lobster sitting in a bathtub
Do yourself a favor here, and watch with the sound on, because there has never been anyone happier eating anything than Teddy Bear is eating this pumpkin.
(or honestly, anything else)
I will add to this. There is a lot of outrage to undo.